What is the worst thing about having sex with an Essex girl? The bucket seats.


How do Essex girl brain cells die? Alone.


What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)? "'Debbie'.... That,s cute, what did you name the other one?".


How do you amuse an Essex girl for hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.


What do Essex girls do for foreplay? Remove their underwear.


Why did the Essex girl drown? Someone stuck a scratch & sniff at the bottom of the pool.


An Essex girl is in a car accident, the paramedics arrive to find the Essex girl covered in blood, the paramedic asks "where are you bleeding from?" The Essex girl replies "Romford".


How does an Essex girl commit suicide? She gathers all her clothes into a pile, and jumps off.


What did the Essex girl name her pet zebra? Spot.


Why did the Essex girl go halfway to Norway then turn round & come home? It took her that long to figure out a 14 inch Viking was a TV set.


What is an Essex Woman's nightmare holiday ?
Two weeks on the island of Lesbos.

Why is an Essex girl like a doorknob? Because everybody gets a turn.


How can you tell if an Essex girl has been in your fridge? By the lipstick on your cucumbers.


Why do Essex girl prefer cars with sunroofs? More leg room.


What's the difference between an Essex girl and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.


Why didn't the Essex girl want a window seat on the plane? She'd just blow dried her hair and didn't want it blown around too much.


Why do Essex girls have orgasms? So they know when to stop having sex.


Why did the Essex girl have a bruised navel? Her boyfriend's from Essex too.


What do you call a fly buzzing around an Essex girl's head? A space invader.


What's the difference between an Essex girl and a phone booth? You need 10p to use the phone.


How do you know which computer an Essex girl was using? By the tippex on the screen.


Why did God create Essex girls? Because sheep can't fetch beer from the fridge.


Why is an Essex girl like railway tracks? Because she's been laid all over the country.

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