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IRISH JOKES

 

 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were reading a newspaper article about which nationalities' brains were for sale for transplant purposes. An Irishman's or a Scotsman's brain could be bought for £500 but an Englishman's brain cost £10,000. That proves,' said The Englishman, 'that Englishmen are much cleverer than Irishmen or Scotsmen.'
'No it doesn't,' said The Irishman, 'it just means that an Englishman's brain has never been used.'

 

It all kicked off on the Irish at the Irish Synchronised diving team after Paddy accused the other team members of copying him!

 

Did you here about the two seater plane crashed into a graveyard in Ireland, the local police discovered 345 bodies.

 

 

Mick Flannagan had supped more Guinness than enough and had stumbled out of Quinn's bar and into the Sunday afternoon air.
As his drunken eyes squinted to adjust to the light, an ambulance went by at great speed.
Blue lights flashing and siren blaring, it roared up the street with Mick in full flight running after it.
A hundred yards, 200, 300, almost a quarter of a mile he tracked it until suddenly, lungs
and legs giving out, he fell into the gutter.
Then with his very last ounce of breath he roared: 'You can keep your damned ice cream!'

 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were staying in The world's tallest hotel, it was sixty storeys high. However, as the lifts had broken down so they had to climb The stairs.
'Let's tell sad stories,' said The Englishman, 'and that will make climbing The stairs seem shorter.' So The Englishman told sad stories for thirty flights of stairs and then The Scotsman told sad stories for thirty more nights. Just as they neared The top, The Irishman said 'I've got The saddest story of all to tell. I've forgotten to collect The key to our room from The desk on The ground floor.'

 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman arrived at the train station as drunk as skunks, just as the train was about to leave. A helpful porter managed to get the Englishman and the Scotsman on board in the nick of time. Then he turned to the Irishman and said:
"I'm sorry, sir. I didn't have time to get you on as well, but there's another train leaving in an hour. You can get that one." "Sound enough," said the Irishman, "but I don't think the two boys'll be pleased. They only came to see me off."
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