Current jokes of the moment!!


I bought a Thesaurus today. It's nothing to write house about.
My mate just got sacked from the dodgems, he is doing them for funfair dismissal.
Apparently there are no pain killers in the jungle, the parrots have eaten them all! (say fast)


David Beckham was asked his thoughts on what's going on in Syria at the moment...... He said its early days but Juventus should pip AS Roma to the league title.


 I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free


Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West


Roses are red... Violets are glorious... Don’t ever try and surprise Oscar Pistorious.


I've been eating those Tesco horse burgers and have found myself craving sugar cubes, eating oats and my breath stinks. On the good note, my cock has grown a foot and I can legally shit in the street.


The Greek government is in such trouble they’ve halted production of hummus and taramasalata. Yes, it’s a double dip recession.


I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said that Davy Jones from the Monkees was dead. Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bereaver!!

Italian Cruise ship captain Francesco Schettino began his new job as a bus driver yesterday.....

Coach crash


Jamie Oliver can feed his family for £5 at Sainsbury's, but Antony Worrel Thompson can feed his family for F@@k all at Tesco's.


Paul McCartney is already upset with his wife, apparently she is spending twice as much on shoes than the last one .


This year I thought I'd get into the Halloween spirit and scare the hell out of my neighbors by dressing up! I'm going as an immigration officer!


The Banking Crisis simply explained

John bought a donkey from a farmer for £100 and the farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

But the next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'

John replied, ‘Well then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘I can't do that, I've already spent it.’

John said, ‘OK then, just bring me the donkey.’

The farmer asked, ‘What are you going to do with him?’    .

John said, 'I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, ‘You can't raffle a dead donkey.’

John said ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with John and asked ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’

John said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 apiece and made a profit of £898.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn't anyone complain?’

John said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.’


Heard any Jokes on current affairs, send them through at MonsterJoke.co.uk