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RUDE JOKES

Over 18 jokes



 

 

 
 
  • My sexy Chinese neighbour told me she was desperate for a roger! It was only when i had my trouser round my ankles and my cock out, that I realised she wanted to rent out her spare room.
  •  A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her breast.
    They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
    She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243."
  • Why did the Avon lady walk funny?
    Her lipstick 
  • Why did god give men penises?
    So they’d always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
  •  There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
    When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
    "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
    "A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
  • So I'm standing at the bar and this little Chinese guy is stood at the side of me. So I asked him "do you know martial arts like Kung Fu and Ju Jitsu?"   He replied "why the fuck you ask me that.......Is it because I'm Chinese?!  I said 'no it's because your drinking my fucking pint you twat!!
  • A local chicken farmer is hiring staff for Christmas at £9.50/hour. I told them about your experience handling small cocks. You start on Monday.
  • There's a new viagra pill on the market. It's called the 007. Apparently it makes you Roger Moore.
  • Why did God create alcohol?
    So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
  • Why was the bakers hands brown - because he kneaded a poo
  • Why can’t a blonde girl count up to 70?
    Because 69's a bit of a mouthful.
  • Why do women have vaginas?    So men will talk to 'em.....
  • A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113." 
  • How do you make a women scream twice? Shag her in the a*** and wipe your cock off on the curtains!
  • What do blondes say after multiple orgasms? so do you all play for the same team or what?
  • Just had my registration to an online dating website, one of the questions was, "what do you like in a woman" .....apparently "My dick" is not an acceptable answer
  • Bloke with no hands goes into a wanking competition. Unfortunately he comes know where.
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